DoreBlog

From my buddies in Austin

2006-01-03T16:11:00.000-05:00

I got this from my main man Easy-E, whose homoerotic imagery of himself and roommate Jeff in various states of undress will be forgiven for penning this gem of poetry about Texas quarterback Vince Young.

'Twas the Night Before Victory '

Twas the night before Victory, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
The pennants were hung by the toilet with care,
In hopes that St. Vincent soon would be there;
The Orangebloods were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of crystal footballs danced in their heads;
And Jeff in his g-string, and I in the nude,
Had just settled down, watching the tube,
When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter;
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Kicked at the beer cans and threw up the sash;
The street light on the breast of the new-fallen rain
Gave the luster of lunchtime to the grate on the storm drain,
When, what should I observe from my den,
But a pimped-out ride and eight giant linemen,
With a badass quarterback, a regular prince,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Vince;
More rapid than eagles his linemen they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Studdard! now, Hills! now, Scott and Sendlein!
On, Garcia! on, Blalock! on, Thomas and Allen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now pound away! pound away! pound away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the linemen they flew,
With the ride full of Victory, and St. Vincent too;
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The beating and shifting of each giant hoof;
Down the chimney St. Vincent came with a bound;
He was dressed all in Nike, from his head to his ass,
And his clothes were not tarnished by the Rose Bowl grass;
A bundle of Victory he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a champion there opening his pack.
His jukes, how they confused! His passes, how they flew!
Shows how much the voters really knew!
In his mouth were two roses, on his finger was a ring,
It was obvious from his presence that he was the king;
He was 6'5", all power and speed,
And I applauded when I saw him, a badass indeed;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And gave us all Victory, then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a juke, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his Caddy, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"F&%$ them damn Trojans, and to all a good night!"

Please note, that if and when Vandy EVER got anywhere close to a national title in football, that I would be similarly inspired.

Maurice Clarett: from penthouse to big house in three short years. Yikes.

Checking in: New developments

2005-12-21T04:33:00.000-05:00

I have had a lot going on since my last post, which gives me a lot to talk about here. To begin with, I have changed jobs, leaving behind the insurance services firm and joining a manufacturing company that supplies the pharmaceutical industry. Good times, indeed. This changes marks the biggest pay raise I've ever received and gives me more room for professional growth. I will be serving as a the company's credit manager before taking on more duties on down the line. This harkens back to my glory days with Big Brown, where we pulled out all kinds of guerrilla tactics to compel deadbeats to pay up.

One of my new coworkers is a diehard Ohio State fan. Unlike his compatriots in Columbus, he has yet to pelt me with garbage or tell me to f--- myself. In fact, he's a really nice guy who has already invited me to several basketball games with him. I plan on taking him up on it. For my buddy Jason in Nashville who bleeds Michigan blue, do not be alarmed. Consider my time spent in enemy territory "recon".

The new increase in pay, combined with Vandy's recent football victory over Tennessee, means an increase in my contribution to the National Commodore Club. I'm hoping for an engraved nameplate on the buffet table, where I've put in some legendary performances in my time. It will be my tribute to our unsung hero "Magic" Noori, whose efforts as Vandy's food coach and manager of the nation's finest training table are vital in the development of Vanderbilt athletes.

For those of you not in the know, Vandy's training table has been recognized by none other than Sports Illustrated as being the best in the entire country. This is hard to quantify, certainly, but you can take a tour and see for yourself. In addition to making anything available to eat at any time, Magic also develops an individual food plan for EVERY SINGLE athlete in every sport at Vandy. He works along with strength coach John Sisk to put weight on and take weight off, or to change body mass to add muscle. It's unreal how many undersized recruits we take on who look like greek gods when they leave in four years.

As for the quality of the strength and conditioning program, you can see its results in Vandy's fourth quarter comebacks this past football season. The Dores are used to wilting down the stretch as a result of having razor-thin depth. This season, we pulled out victories in the fourth quarter against Wake, Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Tennessee that we never could finish off before. Gas left in the tank, so to speak. In addition, two of our boys (OL Justin Geisinger and DL Jovan Haye) were tops in their NFL combine groups last February for bench press reps and other strength metrics.

Vandy is becoming known as a place where the coaches get the absolute most out of every player they get. I am fired up thinking about our next football season, when we bring in an entire recruiting class (2005) that has been redshirted and thus had an extra year to develop physically. This is what the football factories do that we've never been able to. In addition, our 2006 recruiting class only has a few places left with SIX WEEKS LEFT TO GO BEFORE SIGNING DAY.

Do we have the best facilities in the SEC? Far from it. That's why I'm doing my part by earmarking my contribution towards the buffet line. I encourage the rest of you black and gold faithful to share your good fortune during the holiday season with the university that makes you proud three meals a day.

Other cool stuff
I also had the opportunity last week to go on my first cruise ever to the Western Caribbean. This was a blast and a half. I won't bore you with ALL the details, but I'll try my best to cover the highlights and make a few observations:

Our cruise depated from Miami. I don't know if the Miami I saw looks the way it does as a result of Hurricane Wilma or not, but it definitely looked rundown. Still, no complaints from me in terms of weather, where it stayed in the 70s and 80s, a full 50-degree swing from my home in the Midwest.

The cruise ship we took, the Norwegian Jewel, was both enormous and beautiful. I even fit in the cabin bathroom, much to mine and the wife's surprise. Things I like (food, hot tubs, and comfortable places to read) were everywhere, as were retirees and a surprising number of children. I didn't have any negative experiences with kids though...most parents who pulled their children out of school in order to take this cruise wound up stashing them with Norwegian's babysitting crew rather than parenting them in front of me.

Our first port of call was Roatan, Honduras, whose poverty was both breathtaking and depressing all at once. Everyone there is super-nice to tourists because they have to be. Tourism props up their meager economy. We were bombarded by street hustlers who assured us that in addition to rides to the beach and tours around the island, that they could get us whatever else we needed during our stay. I didn't stick around long enough to find out the depth and breadth of their services. We shopped at some dirt-floor markets and bought a few things before heading back to the buffet and sun deck.

Next was my favorite: Grand Cayman. Took the wife on a catamaran tour of Stingray City, where we snorkeled among stingrays and other aquatic critters in a nearby reef. The tour guide and boat captain took pictures of us holding stingrays; I'm told that they are dangerous in the wild, but these are so used to tourists and tour boats that they swim right up to you and around you. Good times.

We hit Ocho Rios, Jamaica next, touring the Dunn's River Falls and tubing down the White River. Marijuana is so ingrained in the culture down there that it's unreal. The very first time I was ever approached in my life by someone trying to sell me drugs was at the bottom of the falls in Jamaica. I was standing on the beach watching the wife climb up the falls when a dude wearing a Las Vegas hat comes up and asks me if I want to do some shopping. I'm a tourist and that's what I'm there for, so I say yes and ask what he's got to sell. "Weed", he replies. Yikes. My only vice is a buffet table, I told him, and he believed me. Only later did it occur to me that he was probably working off excess inventory from Jamal Lewis's American operations.

Jamaicans love to smoke dope and sell crap to tourists, but the funniest things I saw there were carved wooden statues being sold on the side of the road. They were rasta men with cartoonishly large members, carved with frightening detail. Wife tells me that these are fertility dolls or something like that. I am reminded of my own shortcomings.

I met some interesting folks on the cruise, including an alumni officer with Kent State University named Nancy, whose notice of my Vandy gear prompted her to ask about Nashville since we meet on the gridiron in 2006. Strangely enough, her last trip to Columbus in 2002 for the Kent State check cashing against Ohio State was very different from my experiences at the Texas game this season. They were not outwardly hostile towards Kent fans. Way to go, Bucks. Insecurities come out against better competition, it seems.

I also met a very contrite Tennessee fan who stopped me to congratulate me on the big win. Folks, they are DOWN. I love it. It will never get old.

Also ran into an elderly Jewish couple from Michigan who retired to Grand Cayman and are living the dream. They were headed back to Detroit to visit their kids. I felt for them. Grand Cayman was absolutely beautiful and warm. No amount of snow could make Detroit scenic or beautiful. Throw in the bone-chilling temperatures and you've got a losing proposition all around.

Anyway, I'm sure that I will think of more things to add later about the cruise. I'm also hoping to post more as the job settles down and basketball season heats up.

Final thought
These guys get plenty of pub already, but my favorite college football blog right now is Every Day Should Be Saturday (www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com). I would abandon this blog entirely if I could write for those guys. Since that's not happening anytime soon, I'll keep plugging along here. Come to think of it, that's not such a bad compromise anyway.

Beating the Bad Guys

2005-11-28T19:47:00.000-05:00

I have not yet publicly commented on Vandy’s thrilling 28-24 victory over Tennessee, but suffice it to say that these are good times on the black and gold reservation. Imagine your hated rival beating you so often on the gridiron that he doesn’t even consider you a rival anymore. Throw in all the close calls over the years that get your hopes up before dashing them at the end. Finally, sprinkle in the intellectual debris you have to endure from Vol fans because you dare root against Big Arrnge in a football-crazy state like Tennessee. It’s nauseating.

Now imagine going into their house and punking them in front of 105,000 of their redneck fans and the eyes of the entire nation. It feels pretty good. It won’t ever get old.

Some of you out there will argue that beating Tennessee in a down year doesn’t make Vandy special, seeing as how nearly everyone was able to do the same. I don’t buy that. Up and down Tennessee’s roster, you will find a who’s who of high school football talent that vaulted the Vols into the stratosphere of the recruiting rankings the last five years. They may not be coached very well, but there’s more talent on one side of the ball in Knoxville than there is in all of Nashville. It’s a fact. UT ought to be able to line up and blow the Dores to hell based solely on natural ability.

Next, ask Tennessee fans (slowly) how they feel about losing to Vandy. You’ll find that they aren’t very keen on losing to them pencil-necked geeks on West End, no matter how bad things get. You’re supposed to beat Vandy when you’re the flagship university in the state, oozing winning tradition, and sitting on a mountain of booster cash. That’s just the way things work. Losing to South Carolina and Florida and Notre Dame…those are the potholes in the road when you’re a football factory. Losing to Vanderbilt is confirmation that the wheels have come off altogether.

This is fun to watch.

Contrary to popular belief, Vandy isn’t a total laughingstock athletically and doesn’t have to worry about losing its membership in the SEC. Men’s and women’s basketball, baseball, and the non-revenue sports are in excellent shape. Its only laggard is football, which is showing signs of life and progress under Bobby Johnson.

Of course, the only sport that matters around Knoxville is football. Football drives the gravy train and pays the freight. That’s why Phil Fulmer is willing to look the other way when his players are brawling, raping, stealing and carrying on. It’s also why he’ll take players from diploma mills and suspect JUCOs. Winning puts butts in seats. The fan base will tolerate the brawlers, rapists, and thieves as long as the Vols keep winning. They will tolerate academic fraud regardless, because most of Tennessee’s fans did not attend the school and do not value education.

Which makes it all the more special when the good guys get it done on the field. Congratulations to the Dores for beating Tennessee!

Other Notes
QB Jay Cutler again proved who the man is this season in the SEC, effectively validating the opinions of the conference coaches who named him first team all-SEC in the preseason. He led the conference with 279 passing yards per game, SIXTY YARDS PER GAME BETTER THAN THE NEXT CLOSEST QB. The media would be licking his nuts if he played for a better squad, much like they’re currently doing with Reggie Bush. NFL personnel execs are paying attention too, and he’s likely going to be the second passer picked in this year’s draft. Not bad for a signal caller with no other QB offers out of high school…

Final Thought
Doreblogger favorite Ed Orgeron, the Ole Miss coach who never recruited anyone he couldn’t whip, has been outed by Tulane as having initiated contact with Green Wave coaches in an attempt to poach their players after the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina.

Orgy is headed down the road to become one of the SEC’s worst football hires EVER based solely on his lack of professionalism and results. We all know about his first player meeting in Oxford, during which he challenged every player in the locker room to a fight while ripping off his shirt.

This, however, is pretty low. Tulane hasn’t even disbanded its football program and he’s on the prowl. Yikes. Throw in the criminal history and you’ve got a massive headache on your hands. Ole Miss faithful would rather lose with a gentleman coach than win with a boar like Orgeron. He’s not exactly burning down the win column, either.

If I’m Middle Tennessee, I would make this guy an offer tomorrow. Underperforming tough guys who butcher the English language are always welcome in Slappyville.

They Ought to Put Warning Labels...

2005-11-13T20:12:00.000-05:00

On Vanderbilt football.

It's the real-life manifestation of the Peanuts cartoon where Charlie Brown lines up to kick the football and runs towards it, only to have Lucy pull it away at the last second and wind up on his back.

You could also describe Vandy football in terms of Camus's "Myth of Sisyphus", where the protagonist is condemned to rolling an enormous rock up a hill, only to have it roll back down the hill again and again. According to the gods, "there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor".

The Commodores could make anyone an existentialist. For you MTSU fans out there, have a literate buddy explain it to you.

Every year ends in disappointment. This one ended later than most years.

Every year I swear that I won't be back. Like a crack ho itching for a rock, I always go back.

Is it next year yet?

Pot Committed

2005-11-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

When good, competent people make a bad decision, how they deal with it after the fact reveals more about them than the decision itself. Economists are guided by the principle of sunk costs; in other words, an investment decision must be made based on its merits today, not by how much you’ve already spent or lost. That money is gone and should not factor into your decision.

Good poker players know this as well, and bet according to whether or not it’s smart to do so AT THAT TIME. The prior series of bets is irrelevant. The irrational gambler sees the amount of chips that he has contributed to the pot and stays in even when he knows that he is beaten. He is “pot committed”.

So is Kentucky athletic director Mitch Barnhart with regard to his football program.

Three years ago, coach Guy Morriss led the Wildcats to a 7-5 season and wanted a pay raise for his efforts. The prior coach had run afoul of the NCAA and sanctions were on the way. Kentucky wasn’t even that attractive a place to coach anyway, having spent decades wallowing in mediocrity following the departure of Bear Bryant. Baylor was on the phone making overtures.

Barnhart threw up no roadblocks. Morriss went to Baylor, and the Kentucky football coaching search began. Some of football’s biggest names were rumored to have been in the hunt, including Steve Spurrier, Bill Parcells, Norm Chow, and even the ghost of the Bear himself. Whom did Barnhart select to lead Kentucky’s football program?

Rich Brooks. I hadn’t heard of him either. Nobody was impressed.

It turns out that Brooks was pretty far down the list. Already in retirement, Brooks had stints with both the University of Oregon and the NFL’s Rams. His record was under .500 at both stops. If Barnhart was looking to make a splash with this coaching hire, he had failed miserably.

Brooks’ record at Kentucky is a woeful 8-23 eight games into his third season. He has sharply divided the loyal Wildcat fan base with his negative attitude and excuse making. The effects of probation have eaten into his available talent, but that didn’t account for the pathetic effort being shown on the field. Injuries have taken their toll, but those affect every team.

Despite overwhelming evidence that the original hire was a mistake, Mitch Barnhart remains “pot committed”, having assured Brooks yesterday that he would be back for his fourth season. Wow. If only I could keep my job after failing 75% of the time.

Why does this admitted Vanderbilt fan even care that the AD for another SEC also-ran bumbled this decision not once, but twice? I’ll tell you: Kentucky fans deserve better. They show up en masse every Saturday to root on the Cats no matter how bad they are. Their stadium seats 70,000 and it always looks full. I was at last year’s game versus Vanderbilt, where nearly 60,000 people came out to see a 1-8 Kentucky squad take on a 2-7 Commodore crew. It was brutal football, but they were there nonetheless.

I still believe that UK fans are loyal to a fault. Most would rather stop attending the games and supporting the football program with their money until things turn around. Instead, they hang on, fearful of being labeled a traitor by their fellow fans. It’s amusing and depressing at the same time.

Somehow, in the last several weeks, the tide has turned. The prevailing opinion in the bluegrass seems to be that Brooks deserves more time, and that probation and injuries are to blame, not Brooks. The players like him, and the recruits want to play for him, or so we’re told.

Yesterday, Mitch Barnhart made it official that Brooks would be back for his fourth season in 2006. He has hitched his own wagon to an aging, ornery coach who has yet to leave any coaching stop with a winning record. The program probably needed more than three years to turn around anyway. Since it wasn’t Brooks’ fault that his predecessors lied and cheated, he should get more time, no matter how awful his results thus far may seem.

In other words, Barnhart is pot committed. For the Big Blue faithful, I hope he isn’t burned on the river.

Vandy Football Notes
Next Saturday’s game at Tennessee will be carried by JP, marking the eight of eleven Vandy games this season to be televised. This is nothing short of remarkable. The biggest factor influencing the outpouring of scorn around the country for SEC officiating after the Florida game is that it was on television for all to see.

I would not want to be Kentucky this week. First of all, they’re terrible. More importantly, they are walking into Nashville one week after Vandy got jobbed in the Swamp. Vandy is still playing for a bowl game. It’s Senior Day, so it’s Jay Cutler’s last home game. Last time I checked, Vandy is a two touchdown favorite and I think that they are going to cover.

Tonight’s Matchup
West Virginia at Cincinnati. The Mountaineers venture to the land of running water and modern dentistry to take on a Bearcat squad that doesn’t capture anyone’s fancy, much less this observer. West Virginia wins this one going away by pounding the ball on the ground.

BCS Bowl Presidents are openly praying for West Virginia to win out and represent the Big East in the BCS. Since Morgantown is a depressing place to be, Mountaineer fans travel to bowl games like crazy, which is all that bowls really care about anymore. I mean, if your Big East champ is South Florida, your bowl revenue and TV ratings are in the crapper.

Final Word
If you’re looking for a pair of tickets to the Kentucky-Vandy men’s basketball game in Nashville on February 11, look no further:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vanderbilt-vs-Kentucky-Basketball-2-Tickets-2-11-NR_W0QQitemZ6577772155QQcategoryZ16122QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

This game sells out every year. Make someone special happy for Christmas!

Doing Time in the Black and Gold Slammer

2005-11-08T19:37:00.000-05:00

When I was in college down in Texas, I worked for about four months for a dishonest small businessman named Mike. Mike hired me to manage the finances for his landscaping company, which were routinely in terrible shape. Though he couldn’t balance a checkbook to save his life, Mike dreamed about training other people how to start and run their own businesses, even taking a cut from his brothers’ landscaping companies in exchange for “mentoring” them. To my knowledge, the only things he taught them how to do were to listen to death metal and evade income taxes.

Since Mike was “living the dream”, he wanted everyone to be able to do the same. He routinely hired some of Austin’s finest to help him cut grass, including stoners, deadbeats, and ex-cons. One old boy, whom I’ll call Raul because I don’t remember his name, was fresh out of the penitentiary. Raul thought that I was impressed with his stories of crime and punishment, so he kept on telling them to me. An imposing figure, Raul claimed that he had never lost a fight in prison, and that he took up for the little guy a time or two, even coming to the rescue of one poor sap who showered with the wrong crew, so to speak.

Eventually, Raul got around to telling me about the unluckiest of offenders, those who were assaulted so often that their will to fight and survive was broken. These inmates took to wearing their boxers backward to make things easier. While I shed no tears for what happens to criminals in prison, Raul’s account provides the perfect metaphor for something near and dear to my heart.

Vandy football.

If you saw the abortion that took place in the fourth quarter of Saturday’s game at Florida, then you know what I’m about to say. For everyone else, I will recap.

Down 35-21 with four minutes remaining in one of college football’s most hostile environments, the good guys marched the ball down the field and scored a touchdown to cut the lead to seven. As Vandy’s kickoff unit stood on the field ready to try the onside kick, Florida was in disarray and had only SEVEN men on the field. One referee stood in front of the ball, preventing Bryant Hahnfeldt from kicking off. Another was on Florida’s sideline, politely informing Urban Meyer that he needed a few more bodies out there. Meyer called a timeout, thankful for the game management assistance he got from the SEC’s finest.

Vandy not only recovered the onside kick, but drove the length of the field AGAIN. With 54 seconds remaining in the game, QB Jay Cutler found WR Earl Bennett in the end zone for the touchdown, prompting screams of jubilation in my household heard all the way from Birmingham to Detroit. Now down 35-34, I pleaded with coach Bobby Johnson to go for two and end it right there, since our defense did not have the gas in the tank to slug it out in overtime. Leave it all out there, like Baylor coach Guy Morriss did last year by going for two against Texas A&M and winning outright. He must have heard me, because he motioned for a timeout to think it over.

The decision wasn’t his to make.

The referee in the end zone, Rick Loumiet, called a fifteen-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Earl Bennett for excessive celebration. WHAT!?! A Vanderbilt player guilty of rubbing it in the opponent’s face, or calling attention to himself? The same Vandy players who face stiff sanctions from the coaching staff if they cuss on the practice field? The same players who draw the fewest penalties in the SEC, and nearly the fewest in the country? You’ve got to be kidding, right?

He wasn’t. Even though replays showed nothing that deserved a penalty, it was called anyway and enforced on the PAT. Johnson didn’t have the chance to go for two. We were lucky to have made the 35-yard extra point to send it into overtime. Florida failed to score in regulation and the captains for the two teams assembled at midfield for the overtime coin toss.

Jay Cutler wouldn’t look the ref in the face. I would have spit in it.

It was over right then and there.

I could fill a highlight reel with all the bad calls and no-calls that Vandy football has endured over just the years that I have followed this team. Like the Ole Miss game in Oxford in 2004, where Cutler had his helmet turned around by a Rebel defender using his face mask as a tackling handle, as a referee three feet away did nothing. Or the time two years ago where our punt return man shielded his eyes from the sun and was penalized by the ref for running with the ball after making the catch, because he believed that a fair catch was signaled. Don’t forget the dozens of late hits that Cutler has absorbed over the past four years that have gone uncalled. It’s amazing he can still walk.

You know, I thought I had seen it all when the referees allowed a Georgia touchdown pass earlier this season that clearly his the turf before the receiver trapped it. The announce team from ESPN2, Mike Gottfried and Sean McDonough, were watching the definitive replay in their booth while the SEC officials hurriedly awarded six points to the Bulldogs. SEC Supervisor of Officials Bobby Gaston apologized the following week for having blown the call, like it mattered at that point.

Now this. We ought to just wear our boxers backward and save them the trouble.

Jay Cutler demonstrated again why he’s the best quarterback in the SEC, and cemented his status as the second best quarterback in this upcoming draft behind USC passer Matt Leinart. On the road, in one of college football’s most hostile and unforgiving venues, the man looked up at a fourteen-point deficit with four minutes left to play and did not quit. Once again, he took an entire university on his back and marched down the field to score. Twice.

It wasn’t good enough.

It’s hard enough to beat eleven men. It’s impossible to beat eleven men, a crew of officials, and the guys upstairs in the replay booth. I like Vandy’s chances in a fair fight against anybody, honestly. We won’t win them all, but we won’t fold either.

Good luck getting a fair fight against an SEC powerhouse.

This kind of crap is drawing national attention to the SEC’s embarrassing quality of officiating. Analysts from ESPN.com and SI.com have already lambasted the excessive celebration penalty called on Earl Bennett. Mike Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser from ESPN’s “Pardon the Interruption” devoted an entire segment of their show to it, which is unheard of for a squad like Vandy. Vandy fans aren’t the only ones tired of the little guy taking it up the ass in the SEC when they’ve earned the right to compete fairly.

Some folks will counter that had we not turned the ball over three times in regulation against Florida, that it wouldn’t matter. They are missing the point here. Those were things that WE did on the field, not the refs. Let’s not forget that top-15 program Florida was at home in front of 90,000 fans and had a 4-4 Vandy team put up 35 points on them in regulation, which is more than LSU, Georgia, Alabama, or Tennessee did. Little old Vandy, who wasn’t aware that they were supposed to bend over and pick up Florida’s soap.

You know whom I feel the worst for? Jay Cutler, who became Vanderbilt’s all-time passing leader this week and owns every other Vandy record known to man. Four years of getting the shit kicked out of him, and only ten wins to show for it. He had his chance to leave last year and go to the NFL. Shoot, his dad begged him to. There, he’d be protected by professional linemen and receive the best coaching and training possible.

Jay chose Vanderbilt. Twice.

Saturday’s game against Florida should have been the highlight of a brilliant career. For four quarters, he outplayed everyone wearing blue and orange. It won’t make up for the four years he has spent taking it prison-style from those wearing black and white.

Cultural food differences

2005-10-31T18:20:00.000-05:00

This is very off-topic, but I had to get it off my chest:

For a real Texan, chili is one of the basic food groups. I am not in the spicier-is-best camp, nor am I a snob about leaving beans out (there's nothing wrong with them, even if they are banned at many chili cookoffs). The heartier and meatier the better, I say.

Imagine my surprise when I moved to the midwest, within shouting distance of Cincinnati, which proclaims itself the chili capital of the world. The 800-lb. gorilla of the chili market there is Skyline, which my very Texan grandpa likes but describes as "different". No joke, Grandpa. I had my first taste and was unimpressed, probably because it tasted like cinnamon and is known to have some amount of chocolate in it. Yikes.

We had a potluck lunch at work today, where the main course was a crock pot of chili cooked up by a nice lady from Indiana. She called it "chili soup", and it was soup-like in its texture and ingredients, which included a fair number of broken spaghetti noodles. I liked it enough to get full, but I couldn't help but long for the days when real Texas chili could be had so easily.

Until then, I will make do with a new favorite: the chili five-way at Steak 'n' Shake. This is honestly edible, and nowhere near as sweet as Skyline's similar dish. If anyone out there is aware of a good place to find decent chili in this part of the world, shoot me a comment with the relevant details.

Week 9 Review

2005-10-31T17:13:00.000-05:00

Before we begin, a couple things...

I am covering the SEC for football.com, which involves game previews and recaps as well as voting in the site's Heisman poll, top 40 poll, and pick'em contest. This is good for several reasons, not the least of which is that my work will now reach a larger audience.

On a personal note, my mom in San Antonio works for home improvement retailer Lowe's, and was recently sent to a store in Lake Charles, LA for ten days to help out while they attempt to get things back on track after Hurricane Rita. She described the property damage as "worse than what they show on TV", though the locals who are still around are pretty patient when they're waiting in painfully long lines for roofing supplies and such.

One of the problems that they're having down there is a complete lack of people to work. Businesses close at 8:00 PM because there isn't anyone to work the later hours. The Lowe's store in Lake Charles normally has a payroll of 120 people, but only 20 stayed on after the hurricane. Anyway, if you're not tied down to anyone or anything, I would encourage you to make your way down to Louisiana if you're looking for work. There is more work than people, and all the overtime that you can stand.

Various NFL thoughts
I don't much follow the NFL except for a few things, including:

-San Antonio's attempts to lure the Saints are probably in vain, and that's a shame. If New Orleans is in no shape to host the Saints next season, look for the NFL to steer them to Los Angeles, which is the nation's second largest TV market. Nevermind that San Antonio has a facility already built with no major tenant (the Alamodome) and a population hungry for big-time sports smack dab in the middle of football country. If New Orleans could support an NFL franchise, I have no doubt whatsoever that San Antonio could as well, though it will never have the chance.

-New England linebacker Tedy Bruschi's triumphant return to the field nine months after a stroke is nothing short of remarkable. Like ESPN.com's Sports Guy, I would have saved him for next week's game against Indianapolis, where he would emerge from the stands with a folding chair and lay out Peyton Manning WWE-style. Boston would burn in celebration.

-The Bengals are 6-2, which is neat from the perspective of someone who roots for underdogs like Vandy. I have tickets to the 12/24 home game against Buffalo, and my early concerns about that game being meaningless are probably unfounded. Looks like they're playoff bound.

Enough about the pro game.

South Carolina-Tennessee
I've never been so happy to be so wrong. I picked Tennessee in this one because they're better on paper, but I should never have ignored the obvious: Steve Spurrier is the better coach. I should have known that Spurrier, visiting Neyland with his third team on Peyton Manning jersey retirement day, would put forth his best effort to knock off the Vols. By the end of the game, Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer looked like he might lose his substantial lunch, and sightings of orange faithful wearing brown paper bags became the stuff of SEC legend. Funny thing is, nobody I know feels sorry for Tennessee.

Florida-Georgia
When Florida took a 14-0 lead in the first quarter, I knew that my prediction was in trouble. Florida's week off before the game allowed Urban Meyer to retool his underperforming offense, which he kept on the ground to wear down the Georgia run defense. Backup Bulldog QB Joe Tereshinski III, forced into service by DJ Shockley's knee injury, was largely ineffective except for one play in the second half, where he pitched to running back Thomas Brown before eventually catching Brown's pass at the two yard line and plunging in for the score.

Texas-Oklahoma State
I don't know what it is about playing the Longhorns that brings out the best in the Pokes, but they had 28 points in a hurry and Stillwater was bracing for an upset celebration for the ages. Only problem is that Texas had Vince Young and OSU did not. Young took over the game with 239 passing yards and 267 on the ground, setting a Texas record for total yardage. Wow. Dude's a hoss. He won't let Texas lose. He singlehandedly beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl earlier this year, and beat Ohio State with his arm in the second game of this season. This is the stuff of Heisman legend.

Oklahoma-Nebraska
Reminder when picking Nebraska: Bill Callahan is their coach. I'm not picking OU in any big games without a decent defensive coordinator (Brent Venables need not apply). Still, Stoops had Mack Brown's number for five years before Texas' talent caught up to him. I should have known to take his squad over Callahan's. Lesson learned.

Michigan-Northwestern
Northwestern is a lot like Vandy, though it has been more successful in recent years in terms of wins and bowls. It's a small, academics-first school playing in a semipro league and struggling to be relevant more than once every five years. It enjoyed some early success, drawing national media attention and a big spotlight for a home game against Michigan. Of course, the Wildcats stumbled, effectively killing that bandwagon. That stinks. It's a shame that when a squad like Randy Walker's puts together some wins and then drops one, they lose all the positive momentum and coverage that they earned. It took Tennessee going 3-4 to finally get it out of the Top 25, but Northwestern loses and gets bounced in record time.

North Carolina-Miami
National pundits are dogging the throwback unis that Miami broke out for this game, featuring hurricane warning symbols on golden helmets and a plain green jersey and gold pants. Apparently, it's insensitive to use the hurricane nickname and motif while people are picking up the pieces after being hit by real hurricanes, including those in South Florida affected by Wilma. This is getting ridiculous. These are NICKNAMES. Find me one person who was personally injured by Miami's throwback helmet and I will apologize. If I ever become AD at an upstart college, I promise to come up with the most offensive nickname I can. How about the University of Tennessee-Bucksnort Slobberin' Honkeys?

Anyway, Miami QB Kyle Wright may well become the real deal, but throwing three quick interceptions won't help. The Canes turned to Tyrone Moss to get the job done on the ground, and he answered with 195 yards to ice the game.

UCLA-Stanford
UCLA ought to thank its lucky stars that it ran into a Stanford squad who couldn't play with a three touchdown lead. Having failed to score a touchdown in 53 minutes, the Bruins rattled off three in the last 8 minutes of the fourth quarter to send the game into overtime. They got another Drew Olson touchdown pass in the extra frame to escape Palo Alto with a 30-27 duke.

Worse than Stanford's Vandy-like disappearing act in the fourth quarter might be old Stanford Stadium, which looks like a dump even on TV. Good grief. I know that they plan to renovate it, but that can't come fast enough. It's amazing that the NFL held the Super Bowl there in 1985.

Vandy football
After playing eight games in eight weeks, the good guys took a well-earned bye week this week to heal some wounds and summon back the mojo that left after their 4-0 start. They play Florida on the road this week. This game is being televised by ESPN2 at 7:15 PM Saturday night, marking the 7th time in the first nine games this season that a Vandy game got televised. This, folks, is uncharted territory for the black and gold and undoubtedly a boon for national interest and recruiting.

Final thought
I spent a total of 13 hours this past Saturday watching football, including portions of some real dogs like Central Michigan-Toledo and Fresno State-Hawaii. Still, I couldn't make myself stay up late enough to finish a Kentucky-Mississippi State snoozefest that was tape-delayed past midnight. Now with its first conference win under its belt, look for Kentucky to take it to Auburn this Saturday. So say the faithful on catspause.com, by far the funniest reading you can do when you're bored.

Week 8 Preview

2005-10-21T18:40:00.000-04:00

Before we begin, a few pet peeves:

1. Working on a blog post for a couple hours and having the computer crash, subsequently losing everything.

2. Well-traveled areas in the city with no sidewalks. There is a Subway less than a quarter mile from my office that I frequent sometimes. It's honestly safer and faster to drive than walk because there aren't any sidewalks. I thought my wife's arguments for pedestrian-friendly development were tree-hugging hippie crap until I ran into this problem.

3. The uneven number of programs in the Big Ten (eleven) makes determining a conference champion awkward. With twelve, it could split into divisions and hold a championship game. With one less school, it could schedule a true round-robin format where everyone plays each other, similar to the Pac-10's new format. As it is now, too many schools have shares of the conference title and too few of them play one another. Just a thought...

Northwestern at Michigan State
This observer welcomes the new Big Ten offensive explosion led by these two programs and their innovative coaches, Randy Walker and John L. Smith. It's good to see a shakeup in power football country, where not every school can consistently recruit the cornfed studs needed to dominate on the ground. I'm expecting a real shootout with the Spartans coming out on top. They have more to prove after blowing a 17-7 lead last week in Columbus. In addition, I know
better than to pick Northwestern on the road against a decent opponent.

Congrats to Wildcat QB Brett Basanez for being named one of seven finalists for the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm award. Like Vandy's Jay Cutler, he'd get a ton more pub on a better team.

Michigan at Iowa
Everyone in the country gets this game at noon on ABC with the postponement of the Georgia Tech-Miami game. They will all see a 5-2 Iowa team that is invincible at home and in the midst of another patented in-season turnaround. Michigan (4-3), meanwhile, is playing its way down to the Music City Bowl. Good news for my buddy Jason, who may get to see his boys without leaving Nashville, but bad news for the program. Look for the Hawkeyes to wear down the porous Michigan defense and get the duke.

Ohio State at Indiana
In a perfect world, Indiana would exorcise its demons and beat the Buckeye bullies, setting off a frenzy befitting a top college party town like Bloomington. The Hoosiers have yet to break through against top-shelf competition like Wisconsin and Iowa, and they will face the Big Ten's stingiest defense in Ohio State this Saturday. If IU's offensive line keeps QB Blake Powers upright against a stout pass rush, the Hoosiers will have a chance. Expect Coach Terry Hoeppner and a sellout crowd to bring the A-game.

Arkansas at Georgia
Normally, a Hogs and Dogs showdown is a treat to watch, but Arkansas is having an especially rough rebuilding year after the departure of uber-athletic QB Matt Jones. Coach Houston Nutt is on the hot seat and is likely to get run out of Fayetteville by the end of the season. His biggest crime wasn't giving up 70 points to national power USC. Instead, he's in trouble for losing at home to Vanderbilt. Arkansans won't stand for losing to a school whose chancellor wears a bow tie and properly conjugates his verbs.

Bulldog coach Mark Richt will turn the dogs loose (pun intended) for three quarters before resting his starters for next week's Florida game. Kudos to Georgia signal caller DJ Shockley for being named a Unitas finalist as well.

More to follow...

Week 7 in Review

2005-10-19T13:09:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the delay in posting, and I'm ready to get back to business. This past Saturday affirmed my belief that college football is the grandest and greatest of sports. EVERY game was meaningful and closely contested.

USC-Notre Dame
There's an awful lot of hyperbole out there in the media about this game being the greatest game ever played, but it was an amazing game nonetheless. I didn't want it to end, but when it did I knew I'd seen something remarkable. The atmosphere was positively electric. You knew that USC was stepping into a lion's den, on the road against a surprisingly strong Notre Dame team coached by an offensive guru and cheered on by the Almighty.

ND Coach Charlie Weis put together a Bill Parcells-esque game plan that put the Irish in a position to win: control the ball, chew the clock, and keep USC's mighty offense off the field. Up 31-28 with two minutes left, Weis had to rely on his defense to ice the game. They came up big, forcing the Trojans into a fourth-and-nine situation.

Here, on glory's biggest stage, USC QB Matt Leinart took his place among college football's most storied legends by converting on fourth down with a 61-yard pass to Dwayne Jarrett. Leinart later scrambled down to the Irish 1-yard line before fumbling the ball out of bounds with 7 second to go. On the very next play, he plunged into the end zone with a little nudge from RB Reggie Bush.

What an ending! Instant classic. History will determine whether or not it was the greatest game ever played, but its place among the best is already secured.

LSU-Florida
Like oil and water (or Middle fans and soap), dropback Gator passer Chris Leak and his new spread option offense do not go together. It is said that quarterbacks in Coach Urban Meyer's system do not catch on until their second year, so he's got a ways to go. Still, it almost seems cruel to send a shaky field general into battle on the road against a monster defensive front like that of LSU. The Tigers battered him and hurried him into one poor decision after another, taking an early 14-0 lead and holding it until the final gun for a 21-17 duke.

Who would have thought that Florida and Tennessee both would look so mediocre halfway through the season? The Gators have a built-in excuse with their new head coach and his newfangled offensive attack. What's Tennessee's?

Penn State-Michigan
Snoozefest until the second half. I like Penn State's resurgence this year, but I knew they hadn't arrived yet when they scored with a minute left in the 4th quarter and proceeded to give up a 50-yard kickoff return to Wolverine burner Steve Breaston. You've got to make those plays if you want to take the next step to national title contention. A 3-3 Michigan team with losses to Notre Dame, Wisconsin, and Minnesota is always dangerous, and they were due.

Still, the season is not lost for either team. Penn State is still playing for the Big Ten title and a BCS bowl. Michigan is playing for a bowl and continuing to develop its second year backfield and spotty defense.

Colorado-Texas
I thought this would be closer. Vince Young had probably his best outing as a Texas signal caller, going 25 of 29 for over 300 yards. Once Texas hung 28 points on the Buffs in the first half, I weighed my options. Stay with blowout, or toggle between the above three games and Louisville-West Virginia? Easy enough.

Louisville-West Virginia
If you asked me before this game if I would enjoy watching a triple-overtime shootout in the mountains, I probably would have said yes. Sadly, this scenario was entirely avoidable for the Cards, whose 24-7 lead in the fourth quarter did not hold up, and they went down in (couch-burning) flames in Morgantown by a score of 46-44.

Louisville is being assailed in the media for its shortcomings against South Florida and West Virginia, as though the team enjoys making fools of pundits who predicted buckets of easy wins in its first season in the Big East. Yes, they are going through growing pains. Yes, they have fallen short of expectations. No, you should not abandon them altogether. As I like to say about football, and Vandy football in particular: keep your expectations low, and they will always be met.

One more note: Terry Bowden was the ABC color man for this game, to my immense pleasure. I could listen to him talk about football each and every day. Count Bowden among the long list of capable college coaches who remain available for meaningful work between the sidelines.

Alabama-Ole Miss
Does Tide QB Brodie Croyle miss hobbled receiver Tyrone Prothro? Does its 13-10 last second win answer that question? Croyle looks solid as always, but he's suddenly without his top playmaker, and the upstart Crimson Tide isn't sneaking up on anyone anymore. Ole Miss was game for the fight, looking surprisingly strong at the line of scrimmage when it had the ball.

Ole Miss draws Kentucky at home this week in a matchup it should dominate in every possible way. Kentucky is coming off a bye week, against which it was a 7-point underdog.

Georgia-Vandy
To beat one of the SEC's big six (Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, LSU, Alabama, and Auburn), Vandy has to play flawlessly and catch a few breaks. Sometimes even that doesn't matter, like we learned in last week's prison-style beating by LSU. The recipe for beating Georgia was to shoot the lights out on offense and keep DJ Shockley off the field. I thought that the Dores had a solid game plan that put themselves in position to hang in there at the end.

It's too bad that they didn't execute very well. I counted five dropped passes by Vandy receivers, including a heartbreaker by Marlon White with no Bulldog defenders around and the end zone three whiskers away. That play alone aborted a touchdrown drive, and the good guys wound up settling for a field goal instead.

In the second half, on a key play where the Vanderbilt defense successfully flushed Shockley out of the pocket (for once!), he rolled left and tossed a line drive pass into the arms of a receiver in the end zone for a touchdown. Replays showed that the ball touched the ground before it was scooped up. So did the touchdown count? Of course it did! Game over right then and there.

I'm not into conspiracy theories, but it is widely believed that among black and gold faithful that Vandy winds up on the wrong end of more calls by SEC officials than it deserves. Whether or not there is a conscious bias, Vandy does draw the conference's worst refs week in and week out. Our success this season, coupled with the SEC's new replay system, should have guaranteed us a fair shake against Georgia. Still, when push came to shove, even the most concrete video evidence that a touchdown call was wrong couldn't overturn it. Hell, you're only screwing Vanderbilt.

One of these days, Vandy is going to be good enough to command respect from the zebras and beat some of the SEC's anointed programs. Until then, we're going to call bullshit what it is.

Other Developments
Does it even faze you anymore when you hear negative news about the off-field adventures of professional athletes? Of course, I'm talking about the Minnesota Vikings' ill-fated boat party, where members of this underachieving squad used their off week to organize and attend a yacht cruise/orgy on Lake Minnetonka. I mean, nothing surprises me anymore. I realize that pro athletes are not angels, and haven't been for a while, but still. Yikes. Couldn't they plan these kinds of activities AFTER they're out of the playoffs?

Baseball Playoffs
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Call me when it's college baseball season.

Final Thought
I will come out with a preview of week 8 action by Friday, headlined by the Tennessee-Alabama slobberknocker down in Tuscaloosa. I wish I could be there to hear the venom and vitriol directed at Vols coach Phil Fulmer, who may well be a dead man if he doesn't pick up a security detail or three. You ought to know better than to rat out the Tide if you ever want to set foot in that state again, especially when you're heading an outlaw program yourself.

Quick Blurb

2005-10-12T18:05:00.000-04:00

ABC Sports: Get it together!
I use a variety of sources to compile my college football TV schedule each week, including the websites for TV Guide, ABC Sports, and ESPN Gameplan. Most Saturdays I watch portions of about 25 games from noon until midnight. In terms of television coverage, it's never been a better time to be a college football junkie. I remember growing up in Texas and getting the Raycom Southwest Conference game of the week and not much else.

If things are so good, then why am I frustrated? ABC sports only TODAY put out the coverage map for folks across the country to see which game is going to be televised in their area. Why does it matter? Because the sport is no longer regional. You can follow whatever team you like from wherever you are. If you're blacked out of your game, you have to decide whether or not to attend in person, catch it on pay-per-view at a higher cost, or view the game at a sports bar or other venue.

Prevailing wisdom is that the networks decide whom to show based on ratings, national appeal, and on-field performance, often only 6-12 days in advance. Fair enough, seeing as how every year teams over- and underachieve, and a matchup that looked awesome two months ago might be a dog today. That helps explain why Texas-Oklahoma, a top rivalry game with national title implications, was shown regionally this year and not nationally (because OU sucks).

Still, the fortunes of those teams whose games have been selected for broadcast don't usually change drastically in the 6-12 days beforehand. ABC owes it to its viewers to make that info available at the earliest possible point in time. AND, if ABC elects to switch away from a blowout local game to a different one, it must NOT black out the local game from Gameplan. If I want to watch Texas kick OU's ass until the final gun, and have paid for the privilege, I deserve nothing less.

Minnesota epilogue
I became a closet Michigan fan after going up there this year for the Notre Dame game and being treated like royalty. I had an absolute blast. My buddies Jason and Dan in Tennessee are Michigan transplants and blue to the core. It rubs off after awhile. I think you learn to love college football like they do after you take it up the rear every year from the Lions.

Anyway, I was as shocked as anyone that Minnesota beat the Wolverines this past Saturday in Ann Arbor, ending a 19-year winless streak. The two teams play for a trophy called the Little Brown Jug, which dates back to the early 1900s and was actually a water jug used by the Michigan coach. It got left behind on that road trip, and Minnesota refused to return it outright. They played for it and the tradition caught on.

Anyway, Gophers coach Glen Mason brought the jug along with him this past weekend on a date with his wife in Minneapolis, and apparently they spent the evening honoring requests by restaurant staff and customers to have their pictures taken with it, Stanley Cup style. Pretty neat, I thought. Minnesota is a great school in a great area that has waited quite a while to taste a little football glory. It's theirs for the next year, having beaten Big Blue on the road.

THAT is just one example of why college football is the best sport around. Games mean something to everyone. Cheers for the Little Brown Jug, Bunyan's Axe, Golden Hat, Keg of Nails, and every other trophy that rivals long to capture, on the field and off.

Vandy football
I have made it well known on this blog and on Vandymania that I admire and respect the heck out of Chancellor Gordon Gee. The guy is by far the biggest cheerleader that Vandy athletics has had in the ivory tower in generations. I mean that. He considers athletics to be an integral part of the college experience, unlike previous administrators who looked down their noses on the whole thing. And, unlike outlaw programs such as Tennessee, he also believes that athletics are no more important than other parts of the University. It takes a big brass pair to come out and speak such heresy at a school in the football-crazy south.

How do I feel about our athletic department restructuring in September 2003? I'm sold, though it couldn't come at a worse time. Gee announced it three weeks into football season, after Vandy lost a nailbiter to Ole Miss 27-24 (where sophomore Jay Cutler outplayed Eli Manning) and throttled Chattanooga 51-6. The next game up was Auburn at home, who was coming off of two straight losses to USC and Georgia Tech. Man, were they pissed. Our guys spent all week answering questions about the restructuring while Auburn seethed over their ruined season. They left footprints on our asses.

As for the substance, the restructuring is a good thing. It is a model that is appropriate for our particular place in the college athletic landscape (small private university in the semipro league that is the SEC). It eliminated the wall between athletes and traditional students, while also opening up the university's coffers and fundraising operations to athletics. Very positive.

In addition, the restructuring cut through the day-to-day BS that coaches under a traditional AD might deal with. Instead of looking over their shoulders, our coaches spend more time coaching and recruiting. Look at the results: our women's basketball program is elite every year. This upcoming men's basketball season is one of the most anticipated ever. Baseball coach Tim Corbin hauled in possibly the #1 recruiting class in the country. Even Bobby Johnson is putting it together on the gridiron. Something else: all of our coaches are in demand, especially Corbin. We are lucky to have them. They feel lucky to be here with the administration's support and long-term contracts securing their future.

Certain things still need improvement, such as the University's marketing and ticketing operations, as well as the condition of the football stadium and gameday presentation. I know we'll get there in time. In the meantime, it's never been a better time to be a Commodore fan, and you can credit Gee and his radical ideas for a lot of that.

Obligatory Middle cheap shot
I posted earlier that Middle Tennessee is seeking to boost homecoming attendance by giving freebies to area youth. I have since learned that this is part of some sort of Education Day promotion.

This observer is mighty glad to see a university celebrating education like this. I have an even better idea, though, that involves the actual graduation of its football players. Still unsure if that one will ever see the light of day.

Week 6 In Review

2005-10-12T08:35:00.000-04:00

LSU at Vandy
Imagine if the Apollo Creed-Ivan Drago fight in Rocky IV had gone eight rounds, but the outcome remained the same? The only thing this blowout lacked was Dolph Lundgren standing over a fallen Commodore and sneering, "If he dies, he dies."

Vandy QB Jay Cutler spent the better part of the evening running for his life as LSU's stout defensive line and relentless blitz pulverized his protection. To demonstrate the overwhelming talent disparity between the two teams, consider that it took LSU committing four turnovers, missing two field goals, and giving back over 100 yards in penalties for Vandy to trail 12-6 at the end of the third. LSU turned it on in the 4th as the good guys' tank ran empty, finishing 34-6.

Note to O-line recruits out there: get a copy of this game somehow. Watch and see Vandy's line get pounded. You could be the answer to our prayers. Come test yourself against the best defenses in the college football world in the SEC. You'll be fed like a king at the nation's top training table. You'll get a world-class education and socialize with beautiful women from all over creation. Come to Vandy and make a difference. I can't possibly beg any more.

Oklahoma at Texas
My buddy Nate called this one "OU Liberation Day" in celebration of the Longhorns ending Oklahoma's five-game winning streak in this series. The final score was 45-12, though the outcome never was in doubt. The conventional wisdom for beating Texas until recently was to stuff Vince Young and let him beat you with his arm, since he struggled with the passing game. With 240 yards of passing and a stable of ballcarriers pounding away at OU's rebuilt defense, Texas really looked unstoppable.

Something else for you to think about: Bob Stoops probably misses brother Mike, his former DC and now head coach at Arizona, more than he realizes. Mike's departure at the end of the 2003 season coincided with Oklahoma's defensive failures against Kansas State in the Big 12 Championship, LSU in the national title game, and last year's embarrassing performance against USC. You used to not be able to beat Oklahoma deep or push them around at the line, and both are happening now with regularity. There's a reason why DC Brent Venables is still around while Mike Stoops and Bo Pelini have moved on: they're in demand, and he's not.

Arizona at USC
If and when USC ever decides that they want to show up for all four quarters, they will be unstoppable. Until then, they will let inferior teams like the Wildcats hang around long past their level of talent would dictate. Upcoming games against Notre Dame, Cal, and UCLA will give the Trojans a chance to either find their next gear, or hang themselves.

FYI, Matt Leinart, while still better than 95% of all college quarterbacks, is no longer driving this offensive juggernaut. Backs Reggie Bush and LenDale White are providing the yardage and moving the chains.

Wake Forest at Florida State
FSU is quietly finding its offensive stride with freshman QB Drew Weatherford, who passed for 351 yards en route to a 41-24 victory over a decent Wake team. If you remember, Weatherford stunk up Doak Campbell Stadium against Miami in his first game, but he's coming around and making Nole fans forget that Chris Rix ever happened.

Note to ESPN Gameplan Program Manager (like you're really reading this): this game was blocked out of my Gameplan package for TV. You showed it online only. What gives? I pay big money to watch 25 games every weekend. Show every game that is regionally syndicated, or risk losing more subscribers.

Georgia at Tennessee
I love watching Tennessee lose, and this was no exception. Mark Richt has the Vols' number, winning the last three at Neyland Stadium with superior special teams and game management. This game was no exception, as the Bulldogs rode a punt-return touchdown and a handful of Tennessee turnovers to a 27-14 victory on the hill.

As for Tennessee, it is a crime that a top ten program like UT cannot get decent play from the quarterback position. In the last season and a half, it has trotted out Brent Schaeffer (who is no longer with the program), Erik Ainge, and LSU transfer Rick Clausen with mixed and mediocre results. Ainge, with every physical gift under the sun, either can't or won't learn and execute the offense. Clausen has an average arm and limited athletic ability, making coach Philip Fulmer's hesitation to play him all the more understandable. For the love of Shuler, Manning, and (Casey) Clausen, nail this down already!

Wisconsin at Northwestern
Classic trap game for the Badgers, whose fantastic production from RB Brian Calhoun and 5-0 record masked a porous defense that is more matador than gladiator. Wisconsin struggled to beat North Carolina 14-5 in its only other road game, and Northwestern has been known to play tough at home. The Wildcats got the duke in dramatic fashion, a 51-48 shootout more likely seen in the WAC than the Big Ten.

What I wouldn't give to have Randy Walker's spread offense in place at Vandy. Good schemes neutralize talent deficiencies.

Virginia at Boston College
I don't care one bit about either of these chronically underachieving ACC squads, but the cheap shot by UVA's Brad Butler on BC DE Mathias Kiwunaka was complete bullshit. Why not take a page from the WWE and sock him in the jaw with a roll of quarters while you're at it? Butler's been suspended and Kiwunaka's not disabled, thank goodness.

Anyone else think Boston College is an awkward fit in the ACC?

Minnesota at Michigan
I have to admit that I didn't see this one coming. Michigan, fresh off its gut check win over Michigan State, was supposed to ride its newfound swagger and newly healthy sophomore back Mike Hart to victory over the Gophers in front of the home crowd. In fact, Minnesota hadn't beaten Michigan since 1986. I was in first grade then and had no clue that anyone lived north of Texas (or would want to).

Michigan's defense is disappointing, as is its wide receiver play. Both Jason Avant and Steve Breaston are failing to make plays the way Braylon Edwards used to. TE Tyler Ecker has stone slabs for hands. This isn't your older brother's Wolverine squad, and "Three-Loss Lloyd" Carr has more losses earlier in the season than I can remember him ever having. He's about to be run out of Ann Arbor on a rail.

Ohio State at Penn State
Heavyweight fight. Electric atmosphere. This was a real slobberknocker, and the team who made the fewest mistakes was bound to win. Penn State committed no turnovers, while shutting down Ohio State's admittedly anemic offense for a 17-10 statement victory. I would have given anything to be there to hear the crowd's reaction to Tamba Hali lighting up Ohio State QB Troy Smith from the blind side to force the game-clinching fumble.

I shed no tears for Buckeye fans, who are the foulest and most obnoxious I've ever run into (worse than Middle Tennessee's, probably because they have something to actually be proud of). These folks bragged that Jim Tressel was superior to Mack Brown before their game against Texas because he'd won a national title three years ago and was a better game manager. Now they're ready to lynch him after a tough road loss. College football is crazy stuff sometimes.

Final Thought
Middle Tennessee, keenly aware that the loudest noise coming from its football stadium recently has been the sound of crickets chirping, is now sending game tickets home with Rutherford County schoolkids. Wow. The sad thing is, none of them will read the fine print, where it clearly states that all persons with teeth will be turned away.

Rough business

2005-10-11T12:25:00.000-04:00

Blogging is a rough business. The mainstream media hates you. Most of the world ignores you. The few who read what you have to say don't say much in return. They got other things going on, and don't we all?

Still, you probably haven't really arrived as a blogger until you receive some sort of criticism. Middle Tennessee's fan board called this blog "mind-numbing", which might have stung except that I couldn't possibly do any more damage than was already done.

Some folks get tired of reading blogs that focus on the trivial and mundane details of one's life, and are honest and forthright enough to tell you so. This blog is mainly about college football, but it has diverged from time to time into thoughts about the things I do, or the places I go. Those things are interesting to me anyway, but they may not be to the three of you who read this blog.

There is very little about me that makes me or my life special. I will keep that in mind going forward, realizing that this blog is very much a work in progress. As always, I appreciate any and all feedback.

Back in the Saddle Again

2005-10-07T16:09:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in several days, for which I apologize profusely. My goal is to establish this blog's credibility by having something to say at all times, no matter how silly or trivial. In football coach-speak, I'm ready to get after it...

Before we left the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, MO last Sunday to go home, we passed by a video game arcade with an open air hockey table. I laid down a challenge to the wife, who HAS beaten me before. One dollar and a whole bunch of machismo later, I got the duke and celebrated while she rolled her eyes. It's the little things, I tell you.

This casino does NOT have a hotel, so there aren't any families staying there. There WERE children there, though. I have a problem with this. Casinos are no place to drag your kids while you're blowing their college fund. If you can't gamble without taking your kids, don't gamble!

Entertainment News and Views
Esquire Magazine has named Jessica Biel the sexiest woman alive in its new issue. She's been in some other things besides 7th Heaven (including a completely forgettable flop with Freddie Prinze Jr.), but I still think of her as Mary Camden, the preacher's daughter. I don't follow that show anymore since it went off the deep end, but I saw a preview the other day that blew me away. The youngest daughter Ruthie is now a teenager and her sexuality is going to be a major plot element going forward. Creepy, anyone? Are clean, happy family shows entirely obsolete?

WB stalwart Everwood is now in its 4th season, and my wife and I got hooked on it early, at her prodding. Before you laugh and ask how a macho man like me can possibly watch a show so popular with teenage girls, just remember that there are things we guys do to keep the home fires burning. I take in an Everwood/ER doubleheader on Thursdays, and then I watch all the football I can stand on Saturday without much hassle. Those things have a way of working out.

Tomorrow is the Corrales-Castillo rematch from Las Vegas. I don't follow boxing at all, since it appears to have as much integrity as wrestling, but I've heard awesome things about the first match five months ago. Everyone who saw it says that it was a classic, a knockdown-dragout brawl. A slobberknocker, if you will. I'd love to see it, but the wife would kill me if I bought the pay-per-view for it. Perhaps someone on the internet can shoot me a DVD of the fight, along with the first one. I am in the market for that. Leave your e-mail address in the comments section.

College Football
The hot rumor is that Nick Lachey, formerly of 98 Degrees, is soon to be Jessica Simpson's former husband. Why is this in the college football section of this blog? Well, according to those in the know, Nick is going to be crashing with his main man Matt Leinart, all-world Heisman QB at USC. We know which of those two is the bigger star. Anyway, can you imagine being a single guy at THOSE parties? Picking up scraps never sounded so good.

Doreblog's whipping boys, Middle Tennessee State, are having a hard time drawing enough fans to remain in 1-A football. As such, they are holding a Homecoming ticket fire sale for their matchup on October 22 against Louisiana-Lafayette. Tickets are on sale for $5! Ladies, if your man takes you out on a Saturday night to a Middle football game, drop him like a Middle linebacker dropping remedial math class. You can do a whole lot better.

Last night saw Georgia Tech drop another game it shouldn't have, this one to North Carolina State. I'm not an insider, so I'm not familiar enough with Tech's program to get a pulse on it, but how much mediocrity can one program take? It has all-world athletes in Reggie Ball and Calvin Johnson, both of whom will likely play on Sundays. Getting a former NFL coach to lead your program isn't always the best solution, especially if he's Chan Gailey, whom I like personally but think is better suited to coordinator work than head coaching.

Texas plays Oklahoma tomorrow at the Texas State Fair in Dallas in the 100th meeting of the Red River Shootout. I've been to this game before and it's a blast...half of the Cotton Bowl in orange, and the other half in crimson. Drunks everywhere. People-watching at its absolute best. Look for Texas coach Mack Brown and his Longhorns to take five years of frustration out on those poor Sooners who, despite their recent success in this series, still have to live in Oklahoma.

The one game I'd pay money to see in person tomorrow might just be Ohio State at Penn State. No offense to Corrales-Castillo, but this might be the slobberknocker of the day. I'll root for anyone playing the Buckeyes, so fight on, (Penn) State!

Vandy Football
The good guys are a 16-point home dog against LSU tomorrow. If LSU shows up at all, it won't be close. This is the kind of game that Vandy likes to keep close before folding in the 3rd quarter as the opponent's superior depth takes over. Vandy's depth is much improved, which explains our success scoring points in the 4th quarter this year versus last. If the line gives Jay Cutler any time at all against LSU's monster pass rush, he'll pick apart the secondary. Unfortunately, you can't do that effectively when you're running for your life the whole game.

Vandy will cover and take its wounded psyche into Homecoming week against Georgia. Root for Georgia against Tennessee tomorrow...I for one don't want to play a dangerous road team like Georgia after a loss.

Final Thought
Which cheesy Kenny Loggins soundtrack song is the best? I nominate "Danger Zone" from Top Gun, "Playing with the Boys" (also from Top Gun), and the lesser-known "Meet Me Halfway Across the Sky" from Over the Top. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

Wild and Wooly Weekend

2005-10-02T21:40:00.000-04:00

I am a huge fan of casino buffets. They are the sustenance choice of all degenerate gamblers who are overfed and nearly dead. I'm far from dead, but the more buffet meals I eat, the more likely I am to get there. Anyway, the highlight of my weekend was the opportunity to belly up to the trough without paying a dime OR risking hundreds of dollars in wagers for the privilege.

The Wedding
Friday night before my wife's friend's wedding and we do not yet have a gift. I am dragged to every man's worst nightmare: Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I bring along my $5 coupon so that my butt doesn't hurt so bad afterwards...we decide on a Corningware set that retails for $50. It comes with a $10 rebate, but the wife vetoes my plan of removing the UPC from the box so that we can claim it. What gives? They didn't pay for it AND they get the rebate?

Saturday we drive to St. Louis, a trip of about 4 hours, to attend the wedding of my wife's friend from high school who now lives there in University City, the neighborhood that spawned pop-rap giant Nelly. We check in at the hotel, and I shower, shave and get dressed. We stayed at the hotel long enough to catch the end of the Michigan-Michigan State game. Michigan pulls it out in overtime, 34-31. My buddy Jason from Nashville is thanking God right now even though I'm sure it's been a while since he's been to church.

We fly to the church like a bat out of hell. It's a Catholic wedding mass, so I've got the over on the ceremony taking an hour. Sure enough, it takes about 80 minutes. I'm not in the business of bashing the Catholic faith, but I dislike their weddings. Very ritualistic, very unromantic. Most men I know don't enjoy attending weddings, but these are especially difficult to sit through.

On the way to the reception hall, I am driving east on I-64 towards downtown when I encounter an off-ramp that has been closed. Road cones mark its closure and slowly jut out into my lane. Before I know it, I'm bearing down on them and trying to move left. The dude in that lane is driving a black Benz and won't let me over. I throw up my hands in frustration. He flips me the bird. Nice. Turns out, he's the husband of one of my wife's old friends who is attending the same wedding. We went to their wedding in February, from which I returned sick as a dog. They're doctors in Kansas City.

The reception is being held at this place in downtown St. Louis called the Thaxton. I'm not familiar with its history (perhaps it used to be an old hotel or restaurant). Now it's a reception hall. We're among the first people to arrive, and we help ourselves to the cheese tray and diet cokes from the bar before having to socialize with the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Now he's nice as can be (he doesn't know that it was me). Amazing how that works. I talk Chiefs football with him while another couple comes up. The male looks like Kenny G. I resist the temptation to ask for his autograph and talk about his domination of celebrity golf.

The Aftermath
We wind up blowing this gig early. The plan is to book it down to the Ameristar casino in St. Charles, which I've been told has an awesome sports bar in which I can watch the Vandy-Middle Tennessee game. By now it's about 7:20 PM and halfway through the first quarter. Before we can leave, our car has to be brought back from the valet lot. Unfortunately, the Cardinals game is letting out and traffic is a mess. Ugh. The car arrives and we jump in. Time to get out of downtown and back to St. Charles.

We are entangled in traffic and unfamiliar with the area. I pride myself on my sense of direction, but I wind up taking I-70 east instead of west. Now I get an up close and personal tour of East St. Louis, Illinois, which may well be the armpit of America. Yikes. We eventually turn things around. On to St. Charles!

With the casino in sight, I'm driving on the bridge over the Missouri River when we witness a car accident right in front of us, caused by a driver trying to change lanes into a lane that is occupied. The second driver has nowhere to go but the guardrail. There doesn't look to be anyone hurt, but I reach for the cell phone anyway. Since we live out of town, I have to ask the 911 operator for the St. Louis emergency dispatcher. Once I tell him my location, he has to transfer me to the St. Charles dispatcher (the county line being the river over which this accident occurred). I tell the same story twice. Eventually they agree to send someone, and we continue on.

The Ameristar casino is hopping. That's a bad sign. I should know better than to ever visit a casino on a Saturday night. I don't even want to play. In fact, I grew out of casino gambling quite a while ago. The city where I live has a boat nearby, but I never go. I just want to watch the game and eat something. The wife hasn't eaten a meal in nearly 12 hours and is beyond cranky. Unfortunately, the sports bar is standing room only and they're not letting anyone in. Apparently, there's a big fight on (Tarver-Jones) that is drawing a big crowd. You mean to tell me that these people are not there to see Vandy? There's nowhere else in the casino to see this game. We turn around and leave. Vandy is down 14-3 in the second quarter.

We would like to find another sports bar, but traffic is bad and everything looks packed. I'm royally pissed off, for being dragged to this wedding and not being able to see the game. Wife and I are arguing. We finally agree to go back to the hotel and rig up the laptop to hear the game broadcast over the internet. She goes back out for grub and returns with the tastiest cold Burger King burger I've ever eaten. I was so hungry that I wolfed it down, and I could have eaten another.

The Game
I nearly lost what I'd just eaten. Complete bullshit. Vandy laid down and let Middle win for the third straight time on our field. Beyond frustrating. I hate losing, and I took this one especially hard. That's all I want to say about this.

The Next Day
We got up this morning with the idea of hitting an IHOP for breakfast. FYI, there isn't an IHOP within 90 miles of my home, and none in the state whatsoever. Unfortunately, an online menu check reveals that they no longer offer what they'd been advertising for a few months: funnel cake with fruit topping. There went my desire. I round up some free Ameristar buffet coupons and we drive back to St. Charles.

It is noticeably less crowded on a Sunday morning. We redeem the coupons for buffet comps, but the buffet won't open for another hour and twenty minutes. We hadn't planned on playing, but there isn't much else to do in a casino when you're wasting time. Luckily, the Ameristar is loaded with penny slots and we sit down to grind it out. By the time we're ready to leave, we're up $4 between us. Not enough to make you quit your day job. AND, it takes 1550 units played on the penny slots to get one comp point. I did the math on that. To get one ticket to a crappy concert comped, you wind up risking $6200. Of course you won't lose all of that, but that's the dollar value of all the wagers you have to make to earn 400 points to redeem for a "free" ticket to a concert.

And you wonder why casinos are opulent places? Anyone telling you that they make their money back on comps is pulling your leg and lying to themselves about how much they gamble.

Anyway, breakfast is a lavish buffet brunch. Selections included normal breakfast items, omelet bar, prime rib and carved ham, grilled pork chops and peeled shrimp. I also saw and enjoyed chicken-fried steak and mashed potatoes, an Italian food station with some decent pizza, and an Asian station with Mongolian barbecue. Good grub. There was more available than I had room for. And desserts...wow. Chocolate fondue fountain, cakes, pies, tarts, bread pudding, self-serve ice cream, cookies, you name it.

Yes, you can get a free lunch, it turns out. I would like to try another meal there before putting it in the same category as my favorite casino buffet: the Horseshoe in Tunica, MS. I know the spreads at the big resorts in Vegas are awesome, so I'm looking to try those next time I visit.

Final Thought
I'm home now and ready to head off, so I'll be back this week to talk football. I've got a lot to catch up on, having spent a Saturday away from the game. Don't ever trust a man who would get married during football season. Real men know not to force their friends and loved ones to choose.

Midweek Musings

2005-09-28T18:02:00.000-04:00

I’m sure by now that it’s old news in the poker world, but I watched most of Johnny Chan’s World Series of Poker victory in a pot-limit hold ‘em event last night on ESPN. This WSOP tournament win marked Johnny’s record-setting tenth gold bracelet. The runner-up was "Unabomber” Phil Laak, whom I would probably strangle if I had to play against. Johnny took Phil’s ADD-like antics in stride before cementing his status as poker’s most decorated (and beloved) top player. Way to go Johnny!

You guys out there…invest in and learn how to use a crock pot. I’m telling you what, of all the wedding gifts I got, this thing is the most useful. Google “crock pot recipes” and you’ll find a ton of things you can make with it. Dump the grub in on your way to work, and you come home 8-10 hours later with dinner ready to go.

Football Ramblings
A subject near and dear to my heart…the newfound willingness of universities and athletic directors to hire football coaches who are overweight. Yesterday I referenced Toledo head coach Tom Amstutz, whose four-year record with the Rockets is nothing short of fantastic. Others come to mind, particularly Mark Mangino at Kansas and, to a lesser degree, Charlie Weis at Notre Dame. Weis even went so far as to have life-threatening weight loss surgery performed several years ago in hopes of landing a head coaching job.

Now, the success of these guys on the job ought to demonstrate to hesitant administrators that in terms of on-field performance, size need not matter. I can see, though, where coaching girth might matter, and that is in the hearts and minds of the players. I don’t know about you, but if I’m sweating my butt off through two-a-days and having my butt chewed out and spending all my time in the gym, I’d probably resent a lardy leader. Once you win that battle, though, you’re probably home free.

Tonight’s Match-up
Cincinnati at Miami (OH). I doubt that there are that many people living in Ohio that care about this game either.

Vandy notes
This Saturday’s game against Middle Tennessee has been picked up locally in Nashville by the UPN affiliate there, and subsequently picked up by ESPN Gameplan. This would be good news, except that I’m out of town this Saturday attending my wife’s friend’s wedding. What kind of man agrees to get hitched during football season? Ugh. I don’t even want to go, but this couple came to my wedding, so we’re obligated. I will figure something out. This is our dream season, so I’m doing my best not to miss any of it.

Final thoughts
This blog has come to the attention of a couple clowns whose brilliant detective work led to their posting a link on their site urging people to search for my wife by name so that they could obtain her contact info and harass her regarding the things I write on here. Lest it not be obvious, anyone who would do this is human debris. For those of you living in Murfreesboro, that means garbage.

Anyone that disagrees with me is free to leave comments on this blog. I will gladly debate the merits of my arguments or yours anytime. Free and open dialogue? Yes. Anonymous harassment? No way.

An Hour I Can’t Have Back

2005-09-27T17:16:00.000-04:00

As you know, I live in the heartland in a major metropolitan area, the largest one in the state. Some of you can probably figure it out based on previous posts, but I’m not going to state it here.

Since my wife works and attends law school, I manage our personal affairs. That means that I often use my lunch hour to run errands and take care of business, so to speak. Today was no different. I needed to renew our license plates. You can do that by mail for a slightly higher charge, but I’m too cheap for that. They offer online renewal, but everything has to be right in order to do it that way. For one, you can’t have switched insurance carriers recently because they won’t have your new data. Fair enough.

By the way, well worth it to switch. If my old carrier, State Farm, had stayed anywhere close to what I was paying already, I might have continued sending checks and never bothered to shop around. Instead, they went up by 10%. Not cool if you’re on a budget and trying to put a wife through law school. I shopped around and saved over 40% from State Farm’s higher renewal rate. I liked my agent, but not enough to pay that much more to continue doing business with her.

Anyway, my new insurance cards arrived with the wife’s name on them but not mine. I called the new agent to straighten it out, and she did, but the cards are forthcoming. You have to show proof of insurance to renew your registration, so I go online and print out a declarations page showing all the pertinent info. I also bring with me a copy of the policy itself just in case. You probably know where this is heading…

I go to the county clerk’s office closest to my place of employment and grab a number, 21. They call 12 right when I sit down. My turn comes and I go up to the window and spread out my documents. She asks for proof of insurance; I explain why I don’t have the card and give her what I have. It’s not good enough. The policy states that they can only accept an insurance card or a fax from the insurance company.

I show her my new insurance policy, but she won’t budge. Insurance fraud is rampant and she won’t take it. Ugh. I’m getting testy by this point, and she doesn’t want to lose control of things, so she calls the phone number for my agent THAT IS PRINTED ON THE POLICY THAT I PROVIDED HER. Can they fax something to her? Of course, incoming faxes cost another dollar. Yikes. She takes my check and gives me a receipt, along with all my documentation and tells me I can leave with my plates as soon as she receives the fax.

I wait. Ten minutes later, it hasn’t arrived. I call my agent and press her to get it in gear. She tells me that they’re standing at the fax trying to get it to go through, but the other end is busy. Of course it is! They’re making money one dollar at a time! More waiting. The clerk notices me standing there, frustrated, and tells me that nothing has come in yet.

I’m on my lunch break! This episode has taken 45 minutes instead of 15. By now, I’m begging her just to mail the damn plates to me. She says that will cost me another $4. Fine. I whip out my wallet and a full book of stamps. Take them. I want out of here. She tells me that the fax could be here any minute, and that she didn’t want me driving on expired tags. Me neither! That’s why I’m there. I lost it. I asked for the manager on duty, who was conveniently nowhere to be found.

Either common sense or panic set in, because she took the same policy I had half an hour prior, and examined it carefully. See? There’s my name, those are my two cars, there are my coverage limits. Oh look, there’s how much I paid! She makes a copy of this, hands me the plates, and sends me on my way.

WHY WAS MY POLICY NOT GOOD ENOUGH EARLIER?

Let me tell you something…I know that there are people out there, probably including some of you reading this, who are dishonest enough to buy liability coverage for the day that the plates need to be renewed and then cancel it afterwards. I overheard two people discussing doing just that in the county clerk’s office. I also realize that there are people motivated to forge documents in order to avoid paying for insurance.

You people make me sick. Honest people like me have to jump through extraordinary hoops, like the ones I’ve described, and pay higher premiums because irresponsible people like you won’t man up and do what’s right and smart.

Still, the clerk’s office is not off the hook either. Why common sense prevailed only after an hour had elapsed is beyond me. My best hypothesis? GOVERNMENT.

Government has no incentive to serve customers quickly or efficiently. What do they care if their operations hemorrhage money? There’s more where that came from, in my pocket and yours. I swear…there was no sense of urgency in that place whatsoever. Employees were milling about, and there were some with no customers to wait on, but they didn’t actually open their lines to the rest of the peons. They were serving commercial clients and auto dealers, exclusively, no matter how few of them there were to be served. It was unreal.

I worked for Big Brown in multiple functions, including hub operations and finance. That experience taught me how important operational efficiency is. Not mind-numbing robotic precision, but efficiency. Urgency. I could walk in tomorrow to that county clerk’s office, lay off a third of the staff, and improve wait times and quality solely through superior management and attention to detail.

Before you cry about how unfair it is to force people out of work, think about it from my perspective. If you can do a job with 7 people instead of 10, what good are you doing by employing 10 and remaining inefficient? In my example, the government confiscates my money in order to subsidize the employment of people it does not honestly need. AND, somewhere out there, a businessman or woman is looking for three people to work for him or her that cannot be found because they are performing inefficient work for someone else. Having a job is not the same as doing meaningful work.

Yes, I’ve lost a job before. It sucks. You move on.

It may seem like I’m picking on government here, but there is waste in private industry too, though the profit motive keeps careful managers on the lookout for it. I worked in a department for Big Brown once where we could have cut 25% of staff and not noticed a difference. We aggressively pursued customers who didn’t pay on time, but we didn’t have the same attitude about internal waste. We kept people around long after their skills diminished or their jobs were automated, often for fear of being sued for something or other.

If you still think I’m being insensitive, here’s the bottom line in our economy: lifetime employment is a thing of the past. Nobody owes you a job or a living. Am I loyal to my company? Somewhat. I want it to succeed so that I make money to satisfy my needs. Do I think for a second that if the time comes for them to replace me or eliminate my job that they are going to waste time thinking about it? Nope.

Rant over. Now contrast my customer service experience at the county clerk’s office with this one. On the way back to the office, I stop by the Golden Arches for a Happy Meal. From the time I place my order at the speaker box until I drive away, grub in hand, maybe 60 seconds elapsed. Wow. Profit motive is a powerful thing. Private business will always innovate, design, and manage things better than government, because there’s money to be made and lost.

Football Thoughts
College football is why I write this blog, so don’t worry about me suddenly diverging into political or social commentary. There are more important things to discuss, like last night’s Tennessee-LSU game in Baton Rouge!

Where to begin…let’s start with the logistical headaches of staging a game in a hurricane evacuation zone. Yikes. No hotels available anytime soon, and traffic has become a nightmare. Baton Rouge is busting at the seams with new residents displaced by Hurricane Katrina.

The game wound up being postponed two days because a followup hurricane, Rita, passed through on Saturday. With the lack of hotel rooms, UT wound up having to fly in on game day and out immediately after the game. Stuff happens, and you deal with it. They did. They also whined about it quite a bit, even suggesting that they were willing to forfeit had SEC commissioner Mike Slive not browbeaten LSU into postponing the game. Histrionics aside, the game was moved to last night.

LSU fans were clearly jacked up for this game and it came across pretty well on TV. According to reports I’ve read, they even rocked Tennessee’s buses upon arrival at the stadium and pelted them with garbage. Sheesh. Come on, Tiger fans. This is NOT the Big Ten, and you do not live in East Lansing, Madison, or Columbus. Hooliganism is not cool, no matter how much you’ve had to drink.

The game itself was a dandy between two loaded teams on a national stage. Play was sloppy, pockmarked by turnovers, penalties, and loads of dropped passes. LSU went up 21-0 in the first half, aided by UT turnovers and the complete meltdown of UT quarterback Erik Ainge. LSU also failed to convert a field goal in the waning seconds of the first half because they couldn’t get the play off. New head coach Les Miles might be a fantastic motivator, but he’s an awful game manager. This would come into play later.

LSU led 24-7 at the end of the third quarter before the wheels came off and they stopped playing to win. After Tennessee scored to make it 24-14, LSU QB JaMarcus Russell, a gigantic signal caller with a rocket arm, threw a pick that gave the Vols the possession deep in Tiger territory. They marched in for the touchdown with about seven minutes to play and down only 24-21 with all the momentum in the world.

They would get the tying field goal with two minutes left to play. Then, LSU head coach Les Miles cemented his status as the SEC’s new Ron Zook, the former Florida coach maligned for introducing a once-proud program to newfound mediocrity. He called two running plays in a row, chewing valuable clock time and signaling to everyone watching that he was playing for overtime, and NOT the win in regulation. Football rewards the aggressive and the confident. It came as no surprise to this observer that Tennessee wound up winning in overtime, 30-27.

Tiger fans…let’s hope that the emotion of last night’s game and his first outing in Baton Rouge caused some of the stupid brain farts made by Les Miles. If not, you’re in for a couple of seasons of mediocrity where all the talent in the world is wasted with bush-league coaching. I smell a new Zooker down on the bayou.

Tonight’s match-up
Toledo at Fresno State (-12.5). Rotund coach Tom Amstutz and QB whiz Bruce Gradkowski travel to Fresno to take on Sheriff Pat Hill and his posse. Watch Toledo put up a valiant effort before giving way at the end. I like Fresno State to make a statement in this game, something like "We build our reputation on the backs of the Toledos of the world, before folding against the better competition." It’s not 2001 anymore, but it’s enough.

Vandy notes
Our game against LSU on October 8 has been picked up by ESPN2. Wow! By my count, this marks the first time since 1999 that Vandy has played on national TV. If I'm wrong on this, please advise.

Final thought
Is it kosher to tell my wife, upon her asking me how my day went, to read this blog? It can't hurt…we all know it would double my readership.

Monday, Monday

2005-09-26T17:24:00.000-04:00

My new shaving gel smells remarkably like spice drop candy. I wish I'd found this stuff years ago. My wife probably does too. Honestly, the worst thing I ever did regarding my appearance was to leave Big Brown. They had a strict set of standards for the personal appearance of their personnel, which compelled me to shave at least every other day. Since then, I've been known to let myself go for weeks since my current boss doesn't care.

Went to the old-money steakhouse last night for my wife's birthday...she'll be 25 soon, and for whatever psychological reason, this one's hitting her hard. I don't much think that 25 is old, but she feels that way. She's got nothing to worry about physically...her mom is very beautiful for a lady in her 50s. Still, nothing cheers her up like some red meat, so off we go.

I order the large ribeye, which is billed on the menu as 16-18 ounces. Yikes. I remember when I was younger, when I could eat a slab like this without breaking a sweat. Yesterday, I managed to finish but I regretted it later. I love a good ribeye, but I can't eat the way I used to. Yes, I'm sad about that. I've set many personal records that I'm proud of, including:

-18 boiled eggs in one sitting in high school
-two whole pizzas at one buffet I nearly shut down
-a 32-ounce ribeye on the company dime
-a whole package of spaghetti and at least a pound and a half of ground meat (Wife says I was green when she got home)
-a 20-ounce burger in Vegas, which earned me a free T-shirt I couldn't wear because it was only size XL

Come to think of it, I'm not very proud of some of these. What was I thinking?

Our company remodeled most of one floor of our building about six months ago and put in a fitness center for employees' free use. Up until about two months ago, I worked out there religiously five or six days a week. For various reasons, I stopped using the company's gym and began working out at the gym at home at our apartment building. The frequency of my workouts also slowed, and eventually I stopped altogether.

That has to change. I have about 10 weeks until I take the wife on our first Carribbean cruise in December. The last time I was on a plane, we both were miserable because I took up some of her room. If I eat right and exercise plenty in the next 10 weeks, hopefully it will be better for us this time around.

Football Stuff
I actually did watch a little NFL action yesterday, but I didn't enjoy it as much as college football. Maybe if I grew up in an NFL city, things would be different and I would identify more with a single team. Still, I don't. I look at NFL teams as bands of mercenaries who will leave at the drop of a hat to sign with another team. I see the owners as greedy billionaires pricing fans out of the stadium (even though I am a capitalist). I see a product that just isn't as compelling to me as the college game, which could definitely be improved in its own right.

I enjoyed Philly kicker David Akers' game-winner yesterday on his hobbled leg. Good stuff. I enjoyed Jacksonville QB Byron Leftwich's touchdown pass to tightrope-walking Jimmy Smith to beat the Jets. That's about it.

Vandy football
God bless Chancellor Gordon Gee. How many times have you heard anyone credit the administration and not the coaching staff for a team's success? He's not on the field teaching technique, but his commitment to winning football and giving Coach Bobby Johnson all the tools and resources needed to win should be recognized. There's not a college administrator out there whom I'd rather have. If you've followed Vandy football for any period of time, you probably feel the same. We've been left for dead before by more than one Vandy chancellor who thought that football was beneath a university such as ours. Hogwash. Intellect and football success do not have to be mutually exclusive.

If you're into cheap thrills, wander over to my favorite Vandy message board, www.vandymania.com, and see what the folks over at Middle Tennessee have to say about this week's game. Warning: you may walk away slightly less intelligent for having done so, but it gives you some idea of what I've been talking about in previous posts.

Week 4 in review...other developments

2005-09-25T14:27:00.000-04:00

A few things we can take from week 4 in college football:

Army: Outmanned, but never outplayed. They play with a discipline that every other team in 1-A football could learn from. They got after Iowa State and nearly beat them. Something else...Army players don't seem to celebrate after big hits and quarterback sacks. Just another day at the office. I like that. I wish that attitude were more prevalent.

USC: They seemed disinterested that first half against Oregon on the road, but when they turn it on, there's no stopping them. You almost wish that they would show up at kickoff. Perhaps all that success breeds laziness?

Georgia Tech: Speaking of not showing up...yikes.

Kentucky: If you're a Big Blue fan, you hope AD Mitch Barnhart has his short list ready to go. What I wonder is, who wants this job? Toughest single division in the country in the SEC East. For those three people who don't know, that includes Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, South Carolina, and yes, undefeated Vanderbilt. Kentucky's fanbase deserves better from their football squad, which ought to tell you something. Kentucky fans are notoriously obnoxious and delusional, and yet I feel for them in this case.

Ohio State: Their 31-6 thrashing of Iowa will again have the Buckeye faithful dreaming of another national title. Not happening, but why let little old me rain on their parade? Michigan State will take care of that on its own on October 15.

Louisville: Thanks for trying, guys. See you next year. FYI, if you wanted tickets to upcoming Card games, follow the massive crowd of people jumping off their bandwagon. Seriously. They're available and getting cheaper daily.

Minnesota: Congrats to Glen Mason for beating Purdue in double-OT. That thing on your back? It's a bullseye. Good luck running the gauntlet. Great smile, though.

Michigan: I called this one accurately. My buddy Jason called me from Nashville and told me that he was looking forward to seeing Michigan against Vandy in the Music City Bowl this year. My response? The way they're playing, they'd be lucky to get there and even then Vandy might whip them. He agreed. Poor Wolverines...they won't get any sympathy from anyone in the Big Ten, where folks openly wish for "Three-Loss Lloyd" to stay on permanently.

Alabama: I'm not ready to anoint them just yet. They could not put Arkansas away until late in the game, and Brodie Croyle looked average at best. They're going to have their hands full with Florida this week.

Vanderbilt: All three of you who read this blog know that this is my team, and this is our year. Yes, we're 4-0 for the first time since 1984. Yes, our quarterback Jay Cutler is all-world and drawing more accolades by the day. Yes, I'm excited as can be about our season, for it looks to be "our year".

That said, I'm convinced that we may be the worst undefeated team in the country right now. Our wins are over Wake Forest, Arkansas, Ole Miss, and 1-AA Richmond. If you're curious, go and look up their records. They're awful. Now, in the past Vandy couldn't even beat the patsies on their schedule, so in that way we have turned the corner. We're beating the teams we should beat.

Still, we gave up something like 350 yards of offense to Richmond. They moved the ball at will down the field in the first half, coming away with only 6 points on their first 4 possessions due largely to their own incompetence (penalties, red zone inefficiency). Between the 20s, we did not stop them effectively. Forgive me for wanting better defensive performance against a 1-AA opponent.

We also drew over 50 yards worth of penalties, which is nothing in the grand scheme but over twice as many as our per-game average to that point. Vandy is consistently the least-penalized team in the SEC, which I attribute to superior coaching during the week. There's no good reason to get lazy against the patsies. Against the cream teams still left on our schedule (Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, LSU), we cannot afford any mistakes if we're going to pull out an upset.

Offensively, Jay Cutler threw the ball downfield at will, and only two of his incompletions were his fault. The rest were dropped balls by receivers, including 3 or 4 by Erik Davis. It's also nice to see Cassen Jackson-Garrison and Jeff Jennings shoring up the ground game and giving us a decent running attack for the first time in a long time.

Now, I couldn't be in Nashville for this one, but I did rig up my wife's laptop on the coffee table for the radio broadcast while we watched other games on mute. The crowd for the Vandy-Richmond games was over 38,400! If you've followed Vandy football for any period of time, you know that this is remarkable. The stadium only holds 40,000, and by now we're used to the opposing team putting more butts in the seats than the Black and Gold. Last night, that was not the case. The crowd was LOUD on the radio, and I hear that they were into the game all night long. That's so awesome. I never thought that I would see the day that we would get that close to a sellout against a 1-AA opponent. Hats off to Vandy's marketing people, the Nashville public, and the boys on the field for packing them in.

This week, we are playing Middle Tennessee State University, a joke of a program whose only contribution to 1-A football has been two victories over Vandy back in 2001 and 2002. That is ALL these clowns have to hang their hat on. They can't draw flies, so their athletic department had to petition the NCAA to ease off attendance minimums so they could stay 1-A. When that wouldn't work, they set up a game in Nashville against Louisville that would count in their attendance figures. Can they sell out a 68,000 seat facility in Nashville better than their own 30,000 seat stadium in Murfreesboro? No, but they know that folks in Louisville will drive three hours and park their butts there. It'll be like another Louisville home game, while Middle gets to stave off demotion to 1-AA for another year.

If you can't tell, I can't stand Middle. Their football players were DEAD LAST in the NCAA's first survey of academic performance and graduation rates. Their fans are obnoxious for having never tasted any kind of success, but they beat Vandy several years ago and that made them world-beaters. Come on. I remember back when Temple came to Murfreesboro in 2003, fresh off the Big East's decision to kick them out for their sorry showing year in year out. Temple. They beat Middle. Hell, everyone's beat Middle. Vandy's all-time record against Middle is something crazy like 14-2. Those two wins came recently, and so Middle fans hold onto them like crazy because let's face it, the outlook for Middle athletics is pretty bleak.

I thought Ohio State fans had an inferiority complex. Buckeyes, meet the Blue Raiders. At least you've got degrees that people respect. Nobody outside of Tennessee's ever heard of Middle or even cared. And their fans know that, which is why they put on the brave face and talk so much smack.

Yes, I'm openly rooting for Vandy to pound Middle prison-style and destroy the last shred of credibility there is in Murfreesboro.

Whether you realize it or not, I have a more genteel side to me than just writing about football and openly scorning a glorified middle school in Murfreesboro, TN. My wife's birthday is coming up soon and I'm taking her out for her birthday tonight. We're going to one of those old-money steakhouses where everything is expensive, a la carte, and oh so tasty. My plans to get her to the Golden Corral were thwarted. Oh well...one night a year, I can put on a better front for her sake.

Marriage is a good thing. My single buddies wouldn't admit it, but they would trade with me if they could.

One last thing...I'm not going to go to great lengths to beg people to come and read my blog. It is what it is...a guy writing about college football and whatever else comes to mind. Still, it would be cool for this to be interactive. If you read something that you like, or that pisses you off, drop me a line. Let me know what you think. If you were educated at Middle Tennessee, find someone who can write and let me have it. Thanks in advance.

Week 4 picks and thoughts

2005-09-23T17:32:00.000-04:00

You want to know what I absolutely can't stand about college football, the one sport head and shoulders above all others? Games drag on forever. Your average game lasts three and a half hours. Last week's Ole Miss-Vandy rumble nearly lasted four. Yikes. The main culprit, if you ask me, is the rule that the clock stops on first down until the ref spots the ball. They don't do this in pro football, and it's no coincidence that NFL games are much shorter.

Unless of course, you're Nebraska and you don't believe in first downs...then you probably don't notice.

Week 4 of college football season has some good matchups, starting tonight with:

Iowa State at Army
In a different era, before year-round recruiting and unlimited substitution, Army was a real powerhouse. That is no longer, of course, and I don't see any major changes on the horizon that would allow Army to compete any better than they do now. Iowa State wins this one in a walk.

Cal at New Mexico State
Cal's QB problems are well-documented, with the loss of Nate Longshore for the season and the early-season struggles of JUCO transfer Joseph Ayoob. Still, they will bring it against the Aggies, and I hope they do. NMSU Head Coach Hal Mumme is a dead man in Kentucky for cheating, running that program into the ground and leaving it on probation. His defensive coordinator, Woody Widenhofer, was the fat sack of crap who left Vandy in a shambles. I'm a big boy myself, but I don't need a golf cart to haul my fat ass around a football practice in which I'm not participating. No vaseline, Cal.

Tomorrow's games:

USC at Oregon
Would USC beat the Vikings? They put the boots to Arkansas worse than Vandy did. Wow. Trojans get it done in noisy Autzen Stadium.

Georgia Tech at Virginia Tech
GAME OF THE DAY. You gotta like the Hokies at home, but the Ramblin' Wreck won't lay down. They didn't at Auburn, and I doubt they're going to tomorrow. Special teams and turnovers have a way of settling the close games, and Beamer's VA Tech squads never disappoint in that area.

Florida at Kentucky
Forced sodomy, anyone? I thought about going to this one, but I couldn't bear to watch. Kentucky always plays Florida tough at home, but not this year. Probation and injuries have decimated this blue crew. Good look keeping it under 60.

Georgia at Mississippi State
I heard that tornadoes leveled Starkville and made millions of dollars worth of improvements. Georgia won't level the Bulldogs, but they'll pull this one out. Don't think Mark Richt has any Zook in him...

Iowa at Ohio State
Too much D, and just enough O will get the job done for the Bucks. And if you disagree with that, they'll tell you where the f--- you can go.

Louisville at South Florida
The only concern for Louisville faithful isn't whether or not Brian Brohm will hang 60 on South Florida. Rather, it's whether or not the game will even be televised locally.

Purdue at Minnesota
Battle of the Big Ten Underachievers. Purdue's always been soft, but they've got a strong enough offensive attack to win this shootout. Now Gophers, you have an all-world back in Lawrence Maroney. Your QB is still Bryan Cupito, and last time I checked, he sucked big time. Purdue, all day long.

Colorado at Miami
Upset special. Miami always loses a game at home that they shouldn't. Two years ago, it was Tennessee. Last year, it was Clemson. I smell a letdown after their 3-OT win over Clemson on the road last week.

Michigan at Wisconsin
Wild Wisconsin crowd, night game, unproven Michigan team with loads of talent but offensive questions marks. I like Wisconsin in this one. I do not like the "Eat Sh-t/F--- You" chants from the Wisconsin student section. Unbelievably low class. One of the finest state schools in the country...you think they could come up with something more clever than crass.

Notre Dame at Washington
In a fair world, UW would bend ND over and redeem coach Ty Willingham after the way he was treated by his former employer. Of course, life isn't fair. The Huskies are overmatched before Notre Dame even gets off the bus.

Michigan State at Illinois
This is usually where MSU likes to lay an egg after overachieving the previous week (in this case, an overtime win over Notre Dame on the road). I think John L. Smith is a dirtbag, but he's got all-world Drew Stanton in his corner. On the other side of the ring: Ron Zook. Take the Spartans in a squeaker.

Arizona State at Oregon State
Big time shootout here. The Sun Devils will put up loads of points and sneak home with a W.

Indiana State at Texas Tech
Will the Red Raiders get to 100? Perhaps. Should they be ashamed for their schedule? Absolutely. What, the Oklahoma School of Engine Repair couldn't make it?

Arkansas at Alabama
I think Frank Broyles has Butch Davis' number on speed dial. Alabama has already started game planning for next week's showdown with Florida.

Duke at Virginia
At last, a game I couldn't care less about.

Tennessee at LSU
It doesn't matter when they play this game. LSU will take the Vols to the woodshed.

Richmond at Vanderbilt
Of course, the one for all the marbles. Vandy should walk away with this talentwise. Got to make sure nobody gets hurt and that the starters are out of there in plenty of time. Not to worry. Between cheap tickets, freebies for faculty and staff, and Parents' Weekend, I hear that this one should have an awesome turnout. Go Dores!

One final note: I broke down and bought Vandy basketball season tickets today. If you or anyone you know wants to go to the Kentucky-Vandy game in Nashville on February 11, let me know. I can make you happy and pay for the whole season all in one bang.

2005-09-22T18:14:00.000-04:00

New developments...

As you know, I'll watch anyone play football. I mean, anyone. I've made it through the halftime show of a Tuskegee game on BET once, where I learned that band members for a proud historically black college could indeed spell "PIMP" on the field while playing a 50-Cent tune. I've also sat through a couple football games at Embarrassing Fourth-Tier State U, where I graduated. That program, a 1-AA school masquerading as 1-A, put some awful teams on the field and couldn't draw flies. Yikes.

Vandy is playing this Saturday against Richmond, albeit not on television. For that matter, Vandy almost never plays on television, except for the handful of games picked up by Jefferson-Pilot sports, the regional syndicator whose production values scream "high school". JP wouldn't even bother with Vandy if they didn't have to, but I think they're required by the SEC to show every conference member at least twice. JP is third in line behind CBS and ESPN when picking games. Vandy hasn't won enough in recent years to ever sniff the big time, and of course a gimme versus a 1-AA cupcake won't excite anyone but the faithful.

Needless to say, I'm not driving to Nashville for this one.

I will, however, watch anyone play college football. Upon learning of Kentucky's embarrassing defeat at the hands of Indiana, and the subsequent mass suicide of the Wildcat fanbase, I smelled an opportunity. Could tickets to their upcoming bloodbath against Florida be had for a song? Sure enough, tickets are still available for $22 and $29 from the ticket office. That's cheap for major college football, and UK's Commonwealth Stadium is a very nice place to see a game.

Still, many on Kentucky's message boards predict a ton of empty seats for this massacre. I e-mail a UK fan with decent seats a couple of days ago to ask his price. Face. Thanks anyway. It's on CBS, and I have a comfy recliner that works just fine. He e-mails me back today...$15 each. Wife is in class right now and unavailable to ask, but I'm thinking about taking him up on that. Maybe a little cheaper. We'll see.

Sad is a stadium that holds 70,000 people and draws nearly that many every week to watch what Kentucky puts on the field. I've learned something about UK football fans. They're loyal to a fault. They consider it close to a character flaw to not show up, no matter how frustrated they are. Yet, that's what it would take for them to force honest change in their program. Empty seats don't look good on TV. Season tickets unrenewed hurt the bottom line. Voting with your feet isn't disloyalty. It's tough love.

I will let you know soon whether or not I go to the train wreck that will be the Florida-Kentucky game. Maybe I can learn the words to "We Are the Boys of Florida"?

Indiana football is back on track after hiring a heck of a coach, Terry Hoeppner, away from Miami University (OH). See, Kentucky? It is about whom you hire for the job. IU's got a fanbase just ready to explode over a winning football team. Their basketball fans are pretty crazy too.

Speaking of crazy fans...this needs to be said. I went to the Texas-Ohio State game a couple of weeks ago in Columbus. As you know, I'm originally from Texas. San Antonio, in fact. I went with a buddy of mine and we busted out the orange for this one. We parked about two miles away from Ohio Stadium and walked to the game. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that we walked down Lane Avenue to get there.

Lane Avenue, for the uninitiated, is the off-campus student housing area/gameday party zone near campus. House party going down at every house. That's cool. There are Buckeye fans on every porch, balcony, and lawn getting down before the game. It's 6:30 PM, so about an hour and a half before the game. We come walking through there with orange on, and they went crazy. That's what it must be like to be an Israeli soldier walking through a horde of Palestinians.

"F--- Texas!"

"Hook this!" from a dude grabbing his crotch.

"Go the f--- home!"

"Steers and queers! Steers and queers!"

"A--hole! A--hole!"

I had some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life walk up to me and tell me to f--- myself. Everyone had an obscene gesture for me.

As they say, words and gestures don't hurt, and they don't. Beer bottles do, though. They came flying. We dodged beer bottles and garbage for the next block. Someone succeeded in nailing my buddy in the shoulder with a can of beer. Someone else nailed him with some sort of barbecue sauce. We got the hell out of dodge before it got worse. I hear that they rioted after the game.

Needless to say, if a tornado buzzed Lane Avenue and destroyed every house on it, I wouldn't be alone in considering that a tremendous improvement. Get some class, Buckeyes.

Sheesh, the roughest thing I've heard outside a Vandy game was:

"2-4-6-8, Vandy players graduate!"

Tomorrow, I'll have my picks for this weekend's games.

2005-09-22T10:30:00.000-04:00

Everyone's got a blog nowadays, and I'm no exception. I'm just as interesting as some people whose blogs I read, and I got an opinion on everything. Why not give it a shot?

I'm a 26-year old married guy living the dream in the heartland, where living is cheaper and people still like one another. My wife is hotter than a two-dollar pistol and smarter than you and me put together, which begs the question: how bad is her taste in men? Needless to say, I made out like a bandit.

She works during the day as a TA for the medical school at the local U, babysitting stuck-up med students. At night, she's a law student at the same U. Comparisons between med students and law students aren't even fair. Med students are the absolute worst, and it's not even close. She's got stories like you wouldn't believe.

I work as an analyst for a health insurance services company. Been there about a year. It's boring work, but it pays the bills and keeps me fed. That's no small feat, either. Before that, I put myself through college working for Big Brown, the package delivery company, for five years. That experience changed my life in more ways than I can articulate.

College? I attended Big State U in Texas, and got my MBA from Embarrassing Fourth-Tier State U in 2003. Which school is this? I won't say it by name, but suffice it to say that it's in the middle of Tennessee.

Working is how I pass the time when I'm not involved in my true passion: college football. If you're like me, there are only three sports out there worth following: football, spring football, and recruiting. I'd give anything to make a living from college football, be it in administration or gameday operations or ticket sales. You name it.

I spend my Saturdays in the fall in my recliner watching 13-14 hours of college football, from noon to after midnight. In fact, I've already made a spreadsheet showing this Saturday's games by kickoff and channel, sorted in ascending order. Geeky? I don't care. Can YOU follow eight games at one time? Can YOU name all 65 BCS school head coaches? I can. I did it once.

My favorite college football team, hands down, is the Vanderbilt Commodores. That is my wife's alma mater, and I didn't miss a game when we lived nearby. Up until this year, they were terrible year in and year out, last going to a bowl game in 1982. I've seen them lose games in one heartbreaking way after another, often defying logical explanation. We're undefeated this year, though, and currently stand at 3-0 going into this week's game against 1-AA Richmond.

I still follow Big State U, but they don't have my heart the way Vandy does. It's easy to root for the Big State Us of the world who win 80% or more of their games and pack 80,000+ into their football cathedrals to watch it happen. There's not much effort involved, honestly. To me, it is ten million times more rewarding to watch the Davids of the college football world, like Vandy, fight valiantly against the Goliaths. This year, David is winning.

More later on Vandy football. Now that you know a little more about me, I hope you'll visit often. I think this blog could be a fun thing.